Grieve well

Learn how to oscillate between loss, restore daily functioning, and strive for the balance

It is human nature to want to seek pleasure and avoid pain, but we also learn how to live with the grief and face the challenges.

Stroebe & Schut (1999) proposed the Dual Process Model, which suggested that the bereavement adjustment process was like an oscillation between "loss-oriented" and "restoration-oriented" coping. This back-and-forth movement is a natural and healthy process.

In this grief journey, we learn to experience how our reactions will swing between the two, and give ourselves time to find our own unique and flexible way of oscillation.

When I am facing overwhelming emotions......

Learn to deal with emotions - grief needs to be seen and expressed

Life is a journey of self-acceptance and discovery

• Learn to accept all our emotions and allow ourselves to have ups and downs.
  
• Ventilate your emotions appropriately, such as crying or talking to someone you trust.
  
• Learn how to relax your mind and body.

When I miss my loved one so much ......

Learn to create a unique connection with your loved one

• Perform special "rituals" to connect with the deceased, such as revisiting old places, visiting the grave of loved one.
  
• Conduct creative or meaningful activities such as writing diaries, poetry, or painting.
  
• Reflecting on the achievements of the deceased and the happy life moments with him/her.
  
• Planning for holidays, anniversaries, or special days.

When I feel exhausted and unmotivated ......

Learn to adapt to a new life - Grief motivates us to change and act.

• Let's get moving! Exercising and being in the nature can help us regain our strength.
  
• Sleep and rest.
  
• Maintain a healthy diet.
  
• Set a schedule with small goals, and maintain a steady routine.

When I can't figure out the meaning of death, pain and loss .....

Learn to think from multiple perspectives - accept that there is no “model answer”.

• Talk and discuss with others.
  
• Get insight from reading books or listening to people who have gone through similar experiences.
  
• Join groups for bereaved people and support each other.
  
• Write in a grief journal.
  
• Do something that makes you feel satisfied and stop overthinking for a while.

When I feel lonely and indifferent .....

Learn to build new relationships - connect with others.

• Talk to someone who understands you.
  
• Connect with people, gather with family and friends.
  
• Proactively seek help from others.
  
• Accept appropriate help from others.
  

When we lose our beloved ones, we often expect ourselves to adjust to the new mode of life as soon as possible. Our family and friends may also expect us to quickly get over it. However, grief is not only a normal response to bereavement, it is also our right as a bereaved person.

The Mourner’s Bill of Rights (2016) by Alan Wolfelt, an American grief counselor, reminds us that we should respect our own and others' pace of grieving.

• You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
  
• You have the right to talk about your grief.
  
• You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
  
• You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
  
• You have the right to experience "griefbursts".
• You have the right to make use of ritual.
• You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
• You have the right to search for meaning.
• You have the right to treasure your memories.
• You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.